Superman

I've always loved movies. I worked in a movie theatre during college and it's always been a place for me to be able to go and relax and escape for a few hours. Plus, who doesn't love hot popcorn and large amounts of sugary liquid?! 

I've also always loved Superman. I used to collect Superman trinkets and get into arguments with my friends who said Batman was the better superhero (whatevs...). 

I finally saw the new Justice League movie. I don't get to watch movies in the theatre as often now but with the recent break from school, I indulged! I won't review the movie (as I wasn't totally stoked about it) but what stuck with me was one scene in particular: 

(SPOILER ALERT!)

Superman/Clark Kent comes back to life and goes crazy with terror and confusion and ultimately calms down with the help of Lois, his love. They fly back to his childhood home to have some quiet time to reflect and reconnect. In my head, I was thinking "oh, this is great! He's back, they can get married now, and he can save the world" blah blah blah... But then, like usual, my brain then jumps to "oh my word, he came back to life! Lois must be losing her mind! What will his mom think?!" As soon as I thought that a truck drives down the dirt road. His mom jumps out of her truck and runs to her son. He says, "Hi mom." 

CUE CRYING

Of course, that is a dream of every mother that has lost a child. I have quite a few friends that I have met along this journey that have had dreams of seeing their child again. I have not had a dream like that, yet. What I asked myself after that movie scene was, "would I want Jax to come back to life if it was possible?"

Many people would immediately say, definitely! I, though, don't know. I examined how confused and broken Superman was after being brought back to life. He wasn't meant to come back. His mom was happy but I imagine her character thinking, "how long will you be here this time? Were you happier gone from here?" 

Once you have lost a child, or anyone close to you, that question of "how are they now?" is always there. I again am thankful for my faith and strength in God. I would be a hot mess without Him. 

I find strength in knowing that Jax is not hurting. He is not struggling to breathe. His body is whole. As today marks two years since Jax passed away, I repeat the following promises that God has given me: Jax is healed. He is laughing, talking, and running.

And I know that one day we will run to each other and I will finally hear him say "Hi mom."