"I got this"

I've been MIA from writing for over a month...sorry for all my readers, err... Nana and mom :) 

We moved, as you know, are renting, and just signed papers this past week to start the building process on our land. Corey is transitioning to a new position with Whirlpool and I ended up getting a last-minute teaching job. I had resigned myself to just subbing this year but two positions came open and I accepted one. 

This past month has been tough; emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. My first week of school I had a huge breakdown. Corey was traveling and I was back in a career that I hadn't done for six years. I drove to and from school every day that week sobbing. I had thoughts of Jax running through my head all the time. I was overwhelmed with learning and relearning educational jargon that I had temporarily replaced with medical ones during the last two years. And to add to it, I got my first cold of the school year. I had forgotten how easily germs spread in a school!

I survived though. Corey came home, I buried myself in God's promises, and remembered that this is not even 1% of the stress and anxiety I felt at times over the last few years. Not to be crass, but I dealt every day with the risk of my son dying, of me fearing he was hurting, and ultimately with him passing him away. If I can make it through that (yes, scarred and hurt) I can deal with this new transition. 

When I have a panic attack or start dwelling on Jax, specifically him hurting, it takes me a while but I ultimately remember that he is not hurting anymore and that he and I are both under HIS control. There are times when I can't even think straight to get to that point of realization but when I do, it is the only thing that keeps me calm. 

There will be days when I am overwhelmed and right now, that is most of them. However, after my cry or freak out, God gently taps me on the shoulder and says "I got this".