Hiding the Hulk

A lot of friends and family have asked "how do I do it?" 

The "do" part of that means basically; live, cope, not go crazy.

I often don't have answer. I know the majority of it is that God is within me all day, every day and gives me peace "like a fountain". But that doesn't mean that I'm not constantly feeling down, crazy, or on the verge of hysterics. 75% of the time I choose to not give in to those feelings and how I do that is hard to explain...

.....

I love watching movies. I always have. I could binge on movies all day. I worked at a theatre during college and have always been able to immerse myself in to a plot. I have such an imagination and it can hurt my concentration but usually it helps me relate to situations, people, and give me a sense of normalcy during difficult times. Like I've said before Harry Potty has helped me immensely to "escape" for when hard times were upon us with Jax.

Another one of the movies I watched a lot this past spring were the Marvel Avenger Series. One scene caught my attention and it has been stuck on a post-it on the back of my brain for a while ready for me to use. I'm paraphrasing here: Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) asks Hulk (Mark Ruffalo) how he surpasses his anger so that he doesn't turn into the Hulk at all times. He first says he has a secret but doesn't divulge it. Later on in the movie, he brings it up and asks the question again so everyone can hear the answer. He states "the secret is that I'm angry all the time." 

He tried so hard to fight the urge to become angry but once he realized that its healthier to feel the way he should, it was easy to control and not "hulk up" all the time. The same works for me. No, I don't turn into a green, mean giant but I do constantly feel this sadness stir in my pit. It creeps up higher sometimes and I have to acknowledge it being there but if I try to suppress it too much, I "hulk up". I cry and get angry and depressed and it takes a while for me to come down. 

Now, it's hard to balance the thought of letting God completely give peace and calmness while also fighting this inner sadness and anger and confusion. I would become even worse when I thought that because I felt sad that I wasn't following God's will. But God wants me to feel. He wants me to remember the pain, he wants me to cry, but he doesn't want me to react to it. Don't let it fester, don't let it become my "Hulk". We were designed to have feelings, emotions, and thoughts. 

Like other things, God gives us the choice to how we use them and to not let them control us. 

I've learned to hide my "hulk" but never to hide my God.