Sorrow

A few weeks ago weren't terrible. One Sunday, I listened to a great service about Jonah, met new people, and hosted college students for lunch. The rest of the day was filled with Season 3 of West Wing. Overall, I shouldn't complain.

But interwoven with all of the good, I wanted to sob. It was probably the first day in two months that I couldn't push aside the tears. Everything reminded me of him. I longed to just touch his soft face again and give him a kiss. I prayed to God while I was in bed not sleeping, asking Him if Jax remembers me. I always talk to God and ask what Jax is doing. I imagine him running and playing and eating with Jesus. Does he look down on us and say hi? I know he isn't sad but does that mean he doesn't know we are still here?

There are probably many theologians who have an answer for this but for a grieving momma, I just want the simple answer. That day, I just want to know that he is having fun and smiling. I want to know he's not hurting. I know these things and it helps with my pain. But I still miss him and sometimes that envelopes every good in the world.

The next day, I went and volunteered at the local women's shelter. I know there are women and children who suffer on this earth every day.

Please Lord show your love through me and through others to me so that I can be reminded of your grace and love.