Any normal person has a hard time getting out of bed most of the time. The warm sheets and sweet dreams beckon them to return to the embrace of the bed. For those of us whose nights often encounter nightmares or wakeful eyes we often welcome the morning with no or little restful sleep.

Corey and I learned how to “sleep” an hour at a time barely in a deep sleep, always ready to jump up if Jax D-statted (oxygen dropped below a certain percentage) or his medicine pole started beeping. We lived like zombies during the day and would be so exhausted at night that the short spurts of sleep seemed like the best sleep of our lives. It caused our sleep patterns to drastically change forever.

We didn’t have trouble getting out of bed when we knew Jax needed us. Why is it so hard to get out of bed now? Sleep is the time in which the body reenergizes and refocuses. No one can go very long without sleep. It has been scientifically proven that the body starts shutting down mentally and physically. 

We have had to relearn how to sleep and how to be awake. Our brains don't have to be in overdrive 24/7. It's a whole new adjustment. I miss it sometimes. I miss him always. 

Some nights are met with nightmares. Those nights we don't want to wake the other but I can guarantee that we both know when the other has had one. Other nights though are filled with wonderful memories of Jax. Even if we don't feel rested in the morning, we have been able to dream of a place where death does not exist. 

The awesome thing is that that place does exist.